Thursday, 22 April 2010

Unlikely PULSE Questions

Forget Nick Clegg, the talking point this last week has got to be BBC's Pulse website. During matches, commentators pose questions and people answer! However, the questions are pretty poor, so I came up with some ideas myself. Here they are:

1. Is the green ball green enough at this years tournament?
2. Martin Gould: Snog, Marry or Avoid?
3. Who would you most want to punch, Rob Walker or Willie Thorne?
4. BBC or Eurosport?
5. Will Steve Davis be playing over 100 years old?
6. Labour, Conservatives or Lib Dems?
7. Who has the best fist pump, Allen or Selby?
8. That person in the audience, Man or Woman?
9. Where is the white going?
10. Peter Ebdon v Graeme Dott. Why are you watching this match?

Thursday, 18 March 2010

EXCLUSIVE: Hearn Reveals Plans for World Domination

Barry Hearn has revealed his plans for the World (of snooker) and plans that within 2 years every day will have a Tournament and there will be at least 3 tournaments held on the Moon each season.

He told the press (Me, Steve Davis, His Mum) that he has plans which will stun the Snooker world.

He says getting rid of journeyman is a tough problem, but says anyone over the age of 40 with no hair and wrinkles must win all their matches in the season to stay on the tour. However Jimmy White and Steve Davis will receive permanent wildcards.
He also claimed Sir Rodney Walker has been found after escaping to the Himalayas and will receive a suitable punishment for his poor management of the game.

Expanding the game is one of Hearn's main priorities and he says he's found plenty of suitable venues to hold tournaments. He said:
"I recently flew back by Private Jumbo Jet from South Georgia. There's definitely some potential there. I've also found large fan bases in Iraq, Guatemala and Neptune.

Asked about the problem of not having any characters on the tour anymore, Hearn responded saying he already has plans. "I've set up a cloning device for Ronnie. Next season I hope to have at least 2o Ronnie O'Sullivan's on the tour. I'm pretty sure Ronnie v Ronnie will draw in the crowds and that is what has to be achieved.

Fortunately, Hearn confirmed he will not be bringing back the Bahrain Championship.

Friday, 5 March 2010

White: I Can Still Win World Championships

Jimmy White claims he can still win the World Championships, despite suffering a 10-3 thrashing at the hands of Ken Doherty.
White's defeat leaves him 59th on the tour, which means he will have to play an extra qualifying round against the Sheffield homeless next year. He told the press "I know that if I make 147's every frame, I can beat anybody. I was unlucky today, I just didn't win enough frames. I know if I win the frames, I can win the matches."
It was always going to be tough for Jimmy, who was forced to go back in time to play Ken after his match with Postman Mark Boyle, who is clearly used to things running days late, finished at 10:30pm the next day.
Ken didn't say much, but said he was pleased with his ten-tree win.
Jimmy wasn't the only OAP to lose at the EISS, John Parrot suffered a defeat to a 3-year-old Chineseman whose Mum wasn't even born the last time Parrot won the Worlds. The defeat has pushed Parrot further down the rankings into 1073rd and JP says he'll retire if he slips out of the Top 5,000,000.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

The Best Quotes from the Masters

"That should be exciting... that'll be like pulling teeth. I love Peter really - I just wish he'd hurry up a bit around the table!"
Ronnie can't wait to get his teeth into a meeting with Peter Ebdon.

"I've been playing like a plum for 17 years...I don't think I have the game to win the World or the UK Championship because the table looks 24-foot long sometimes."
Ronnie after losing to Mark Selby in the final.

"They have 12 minutes to play the frame, a 20-second shot clock, ball in hand from fouls and no time to fart."
Barry Hearn as he reveals his plans for a one-frame shoot-out.

Steve Davis: "They didn't look like plants to you?"
Ronnie O'Sullivan: "No, they looked like snooker balls."

After Ronnie beat Mark Williams, following the shot in the last frame where he went into the pack off the blue and two reds went in.

"They'll probably be in the final if they make it."

Ken Doherty talking about Higgins and Ronnie.

"I'd love to see a Parrott doing a penguin."
Dennis Taylor to John Parrott during the O'Sullivan-Robertson match after JP had stated that he was walking like a penguin through the snow earlier in the week.

Monday, 18 January 2010

The Masters 2010, My Review

Well, what a tournament!
I predicted a 10-9 win for Selby and was proved right, and final was one of the greatest ever in my opinion. That wasn't the only brilliant match, Hendry-Murphy, O'Sullivan-Williams, King-Maguire (actually not that last one) were all a joy to watch and is this the start of a new exciting beginning of snooker? I hope so.

However, I did have some gripes with the tournament and it wasn't all perfect.

Firstly, the walk-on music. Seemed cool at first, but it seems all Snooker players have terrible tastes in music! Also, why was no one brave and choose Snooker Loopy as their song? It would have sounded like an epic masterpiece in that arena. Shame.
And Mark King's dancing? Well, even this guy's better than him.
As for Rob Walker, well, he's getting a bit old now. Same old lines, same old lean forward after every exclamation mark. Ditch him and replace him with the guy from X Factor.
Sounds amazing doesn't it? Well make it copyrighted so Barry doesn't take my brilliant idea right off my hands and get the credit.
It's not that I dislike Rob, I just find him a bit repetitive and he kept saying the same thing before every match:
"The atmosphere here is Electric!"
No Rob, that's just your hair.

To be fair, the crowd were a bit barmy. They all went mental when Jimmy came on, like it was the last time they were going to see him before he died of old age.
Speaking of the audience, how many celebs were there?
Good to see Ronnie Wood there, got Snooker onto the front page of The Sun, don't really know why though. Good thing none of the players walked out to Basshunter, otherwise he might of gone a bit mad. (Big Brother viewers will understand).
Then there was Gino D'acampo, whose name sounds a bit like a Italian holiday camp. The boxer, Luca Brecel and the Javelin thrower.
The javelin thrower (whose name escapes me) almost got into a bit of trouble with racism in her interview. Hazel asking "Who are you supporting here?" Her reply "Rory McLeod because he's black." You could see her realising that was kind of racist, quickly thinking of the palest player she could think of. "And Peter Ebdon!" Yeah, nice try. I noticed.

It was nice to see BBC turn their focus to the lower ranks of the Snooker world, I always enjoy those, mainly because I can tell everyone around me who that world no. 67 is before the presenters. This time is was Amateur Wonderboy Luca Brecel. I thought he deserved a wildcard ahead of Jimmy White but it looks like he got one into the practice rooms. They showed him off with all his ambidextrous tricks and long shots, before interviewing his Dad. That's where the problem started, as in the background you could see Luca miss three consecutive pots. Pah, the biggest new talent since Ronnie? Whatever.

Unfortunately Brecel wasn't the "B" that dominated this tournament. It was all "Barry." Barry Hearn was everywhere, Sky News, BBC News, The Daily Mail.
Barry, Barry, Barry.
I was slightly startled by the headline on BBC this morning, "Hearn Looking to Conquer Europe." It seemed like he had built up an army of Snooker and Darts players and was ready to invade Germany and the rest of Europe. Luckily it was just his aim of more Ranking events in Europe. I'd still be on your guard though if I was part of the army of a European country. Could those guns beat Darts and snooker cues?
Barry might have to work on his promotion though, announcing the new German event was big news. So why did he announce it in The Guardian of all places? The paper that only 3 people read? And they're all in it for the free posters.

And finally I would like to end on the note of BBC ruining my shirt. I was just taking a sip of water when Ronnie suggested to Ken Doherty that he should wear a thong. The thought of it made me spit water everywhere. Not as much as when I took a sip while John Virgo said to his commentary partner during the UK's, "He'll just be trying to get as close as possible to that black Willie."


Monday, 11 January 2010

Snooker Sceney is on Facebook

Those who are not aware, the blog isn't the only part of this marvelous world of Snooker Sceney, I also have heavily updated Twitter feed, which has over 75 followers and now Facebook.
It'll be updated with blog news, posts and more fun which don't quite make it on the blog.
Those loyal followers on Twitter need not worry, the Twitter will not change, but with Facebook more opportunities are opened.

So, go to the page, click "Become a Fan" and you will be permanently up to date.

Friday, 25 December 2009